She was out of feminine hygiene products; what to do, what do, she fretted as she sat crying by the fireplace.

Suddenly in a poof of smoke and light, a fairy godmother appeared. "Why are you crying, dear child?" She inquired.

"Oh fairy godmother, I'm all ready for the ball tonight, but I've started my period. I have no tampons, and my beautiful dress will be ruined! I can't go!" She wailed.

"Never say, "can't," child! Now let's see... Aha! That pumpkin over there will do nicely" She waved her magic wand, and the pumpkin was magically transformed into a tampon!

"Now heed my words, Cinderella. You must return before the stroke of midnight! When the palace clock strikes twelve, the magic will fail, and your tampon will turn back into a pumpkin!"

Cinderella was overjoyed! "Thank you, thank you, fairy godmother! I promise to be home by midnight!" And off she went.

The fairy godmother waited for Cinderella to return. Midnight passed, then one o'clock, then two. Finally, Cinderella came staggering through door, clothes rumpled and missing a shoe. An enigmatic and dreamy smile lit up her face.

"Well Cinderella, what happened?" she inquired gently. "Why didn't you return by midnight?"

"I was getting ready to leave, fairy godmother, but I met a man. So tall and handsome, so charming!"

"You met the prince?" The fairy godmother clapped her hands in joy. "How wonderful!"

"No," said Cinderella shyly, "It wasn't the Prince.
His name was Peter. Peter Pumpkin Eater!"